I'm a nice guy. Well, most of the time I think. I'm not trying to be a self promoting wind bag here, I'm just openly reflecting on the fact that for the most part, I think I'm a nice guy.
I don't kick random dogs. I don't throw trash out of moving cars. I put my shopping carts back. I smile at people whom I do not know. I engage people at parties. One time I gave a ride to a guy standing on an off ramp. Yeah, I'm a nice guy.
Here's another thing I do that I think makes me a nice guy- when it has come to my attention that I have wronged someone, or hurt some one's feelings, I try my best to go and apologize.
Let me explain- with as little details as possible. Yesterday it came to my attention that due to circumstances out of my control, I had inconvenienced someone. I wish I could tell you what it was, but this detail would quickly reveal whom I am talking about, and I don't want to do that. What I did and whom I was talking to is insignificant, the action is where the significance is today.
So anyway, when I found out, I immediately went to the person and apologized.
Now, typically when someone goes to a person to apologize, you would expect that it would bring the person's guard down, and cause them to engage you in the interaction of the apology.
It usually goes like this-
Person one: Hey I wanted to apologize for (insert horrible deed here).
Person two: Its okay, I forgive you, I understand that people sometimes do that.
Person one: Thank you, again, I'm sorry, it was my fault, is there a way to make it up to you?
Person two: No its OK, just please don't let it happen again.
No such luck for me yesterday. It went more like this
Me: Hey, I just wanted to apologize for (insert horrible unintentional deed here). I'm really sorry. How can I fix it?
Them: Yeah, what happened was horrible. I'm mad. You're bad. I know you did it on purpose. Its clear that you hate me and wanted to hurt me. I'm not going to let you apologize I'm going to attack you and make you feel worse for apologizing and let you know that every time you try to apologize I'm not going to let you. I'm going to make you feel worse and loathe the day you ever hurt me. Whether it was unintentional or intentional is irrelevant, I know you did it on purpose so you don't deserve forgiveness. You deserve judgement, and I am the one to deliver it.
Or something like that.
Here's the deal- we all mess up. Either intentionally or unintentionally. When this happens, the first thing we need to do, is apologize and ask for forgiveness from those whom we have wronged. Here's the other part though- when someone wrongs you, and is trying to apologize, let them. Don't bite their head off and make them feel worse. Typically when a person has come to a point of admitting fault and asking for forgiveness, they truly are trying to repair the relationship.
If they are asking for forgiveness, it is because they care about you and the relationship. If they didn't care, they wouldn't say anything.
Forgiveness is something that God extends to us through Jesus Christ. We should forgive because he forgave us. Don't attack people who are trying to apologize to you.
Be blessed
matt
Of all things Christian, next to Love, I think forgiveness is most Christ like. In fact, I think these two virtues are interconnected - one cannot exist without the other. When I see a mother forgive a man that has brutally killed her child, I stand in awe at the level of Love that must take. I then realize that any transgressions against me are trivial in comparison and certainly worhty of forgiveness.
ReplyDeleteAsking for forgiveness & giving forgiveness are so important. Both are difficult. Unforgiveness can lead to distruction, because hurt & disappointment left to fester will eventually become resentment. Resentment unchecked will harden into bitterness. And bitterness destorys. As someone once put it, "Bitterness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die." Many people who have hurt us have are oblibious to the fact that we are even hurting, there for our unforgiveness is only keeping ourselves in bondage. - Stuff I learned from the book, 'Having a Mary Spirit - allowing God to Change us from the Inside Out' by Joanna Weaver. Highly recommend it!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry that happened to you. It is good that you were able to turn it around for a teaching moment!
ReplyDeleteWant me to take this un-named person out?? You know a swift karate kick? I guess that is not too Christ-like but that is how we do things in New Zealand. Word. Let me know...
ReplyDelete