I've had a pretty interesting week. Being a pastor is the type of job that is quite Gumpish, "you never know what you're gonna get". One day is pretty quiet, and then the next day is filled with activity and stuff.
Without going into great detail about the circumstance of my week (which is truly insignificant), I realized, or should I say that I admitted to myself, that there are areas of my life that I am insecure.
Yep. I am insecure.
Wait, don't stop reading the blog quite yet. I know that this may come to surprise to you. Part of this process of admitting to myself my insecurities, was when someone actually said to me, "I thought you were more secure than that".
Got me to think- do I portray a personality that is secure? Now, when I say "secure', that's a pretty deep word, but for this discussion, I guess I'm talking about interpersonal esteem kind of secure. The one where you feel good about yourself. Confident. Sure that you can get it done. The kind of stuff they fill you full of in elementary school to help you conquer the world.
For the most part, I think that people expect others to not be too insecure, and expect our selves to be secure. We're a' society of people that want everyone to be secure. No second guessing. No wondering about our value. No need for affirmations.
As I was reflecting on that term "insecure" it got me to think- do I want to be a person who is so secure that I don't need anyone else? That I am so confident of my self that I can be completely self-sufficient, not requiring anything from anyone?
The answer I came to was, no.
Here's the power I see in insecurity- when we are insecure, we are constantly dependent on God. Now hear me out here, I'm saying being insecure about our salvation, or insecure about our inherent value. I'm saying that there is a benefit to not being so secure that you feel as though you do not need a relationship with God, or other people. That you have arrived to such a place that you don't ever put yourself in a position where you have to depend on God or someone else to build you up.
I think that would be a bad thing.
Security is good. Being secure is good, but a dose of insecurity in your life opens you up to dependence on God, and for that, I think it can be a good thing.
Are you insecure about an area of your life? Turn to the Lord and ask Him to build you up. Admit that you need His affirming love and encouragement. Allow Him to cover you with His love and realize that in spite of your insecurities, you can find security in the one who created you, knowing that you are loved.
Don't be too secure.
Be blessed
pastor matt
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